A lot goes into getting a picture of me with my kids every week. I have to get us all made up and dressed and in front of the fireplace by 8:30. Matthew takes the picture for us and he’s normally in various stages of getting ready. But he always does it, even though my chaotic anxiety can get the best of me. And since he wants me to get a good picture and he doesn’t want to face my wrath, he normally takes a constant stream of photos even when we’re in between our poses and smiles. I have asked him countless times to stop doing this because I can’t bring myself to delete any picture that has my kids in it (there are over 13,000 pictures on my phone to back up this statement) and I hate seeing myself trying to make the picture happen. I want to see the nice pictures, the perfect smiles and outfits. I do not want to see the effort or turmoil behind them.

But Matthew was out of town and I thought I would just have to skip this week. But that plan really irritated me, as much as I tried to tell myself it wasn’t a big deal. I have only ever missed our Sunday Best fireplace picture if one of us was sick. So then I thought maybe I could figure out the self-timer on our camera and still get the picture taken. But figuring out the self-timer wasn’t enough. I had to pile books on our chair to get the right angle. The first try was too low. The second try was too low. The third try was too low. So cut to me frantically ripping books out of our shelves and off the coffee table, trying to get the picture before Ella lost interest or Jack started crying.

This one was one of the many accidents but I actually love it because of how she’s holding onto my arm and hand.

I got more and more frustrated each time I went back to check the camera and my head was cut off. But in almost every single one, Ella is smiling and doing her best to stay still and I just have to be so grateful for that little girl. She doesn’t know why these pictures are important; she has no idea of the memories I’m trying to build. She doesn’t know but she does her best and I just have to be so grateful for that little girl.

I want to start sharing these photos for a few reasons. First, because honesty is good. And second, because the whole point of these Sunday Best pictures is so that I’ll have this series showing how our family has grown and while looking our best. I can’t wait for at the end of our time in North Carolina to have all these pictures in front of our fireplace, like a flip book. And the failed attempts are a part of those memories.

xo

eb