Today has been surprisingly emotional and probably for a ridiculous reason: it was Ella’s last day of her first year of preschool.
I really shouldn’t be surprised by everything I’m feeling today, seeing as I was a mess the first time we dropped Ella off at preschool.
She wasn’t, of course. I used to take it personally that she didn’t really seem to care when we left her but I was grateful that morning that she seemed so ready and excited. I wasn’t a mess because I was worried or scared for her; I knew she could do it. I wasn’t sure how I was going to do it. Taking her to preschool was the first of many goodbyes I’ll have to face as a mom. Every second of Ella’s life has belonged to me and she’s getting to an age now where parts of her belong to the world or just to herself. She’ll have experiences of her own and soon, it’s going to be me that’s along for the ride and not her.
Oh man, can you imagine how terrible dropping her off at college will be? It’s a good thing I have another 15 years to get ready, if that’s even possible.
I’m emotional today because I am so proud of that little girl. She’s learned and grown so much. It was hard at first to feel like sharing her with the world meant losing her. But hearing her teachers talk about her with so much love and positivity makes me feel like we’re just spreading her magic around. And having other people think she’s lovely, see the effort we’ve put in to teaching her good things, is so rewarding. She is all lightness and sweetness and kindness. Of course she can yell and stomp and if there were a hall of fame for tantrums, a few of hers would definitely make the cut. But that’s ordinary three year old stuff and it does not compare to what is so extraordinary about her. I’m lucky to be her mama. I’m lucky I get to be the keeper of so many memories and moments. It’s easy to complain about motherhood, and we definitely deserve to occasionally, but we have got it so, so good. I know it’s only preschool but there’s a promise of so much more to come.