tck motherhood // alone time

Well, I left the kids again. Lightning really can strike twice.

If you remember, I talked at (very emotional) length about leaving the kids with my parents for five days to see Matthew in California this summer. Well this past weekend, Matthew had a work trip to Atlanta that significant others were invited to as well. Normally, I stay home for these kinds of things. But I think the scales were just a little too far tipped when it came to Matthew leaving me alone with Ella and Jack and he really wanted me to come with him. We live super close to family so now really is the time to take advantage. My mother-in-law came in on Thursday (bless her, it is not easy watching these kids alone) and we left Friday morning. I felt similar anxiety and sadness leaving but when we got to our hotel and the reality of hanging out in a super comfortable King bed all day hit me, excitement kicked in. I would get to do absolutely nothing! No cooking! No bath time! No interruptions! No picking up a million empty Pirates Booty bags off the living room floor!

 

I started out doing what pretty much anyone would do: I put on sweatpants and started watching The Office. I did that for hours. And somewhere in that time, maybe because I was watching Season 5 which I’ve watched too many times, I started to feel kind of bad. Not anxious or sad, just bad. Like my soul was tired or something. I was doing exactly what I wanted and I couldn’t believe it but I wasn’t enjoying myself. Whenever I’m at home having a hard day or just a normal busy day, all I want to do is lay in bed and watch shows. I want to be left alone to do nothing. And the truth that I always forget is that it’s only when I get my wish that I realize doing nothing is never as fun as I think it will be.

 

I sat up in the King bed and realized that what I really want to feel is inspired. And doing nothing will never give me that. It won’t invigorate me or energize me. It simply cannot inspire me. You know what gives me that feeling? Ella and Jack. Suddenly, all I wanted was to be with them. They push me; they are what drive me to become better and be more creative and make more of my life. I often regret that I didn’t start The Curated Kids years ago, when I had more time and more energy. But I couldn’t have started it then;  I needed Ella and Jack for the inspiration.

 

I’m grateful Matthew and I were able to get away. We walked around a park for hours on Saturday, talking about the future and the past and of course, our darlings. We needed it. And I really needed the distance to gain some perspective. I could use the break, yes, but I think it’s important to get what you think you want to realize that you already have everything you need. It was good to get away if only to remember that I am doing what I love everyday. I get to live my passion. All I wanted when I was little was to be a mom. Before I had any aspirations as a writer or photographer or party planner– I wanted Ella and Jack. And I don’t need to wish because my greatest one already came true. And I guess I needed a little time away from them to remember that.

And now, it’s so good to be back.

xo

eb

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