To be honest, I had a difficult time at church today. It wasn’t even my kids, they were pretty easy. I just didn’t have the right spirit with me. I was anxious as we rushed out of the house and my small frustrations became bigger by my inability to endure them well. The talks and lessons were all wonderful and uplifting but I felt just a little removed from them because I wasn’t calm or at peace in my heart. And then I had to unexpectedly play the piano in a class and I haven’t practiced consistently since before my son was born (sorry Mom!). So that was a bit of a disaster. And I felt agitated about that our whole drive home.
My mind was swirling with thoughts of my weaknesses and faults and the old me would have looked for someone else to blame. I would have let dejection and even despair settle over me. Thankfully, the old me is in the process of being replaced by someone more hopeful. As I’m struggling to work through all these feelings and figure out what I’m supposed to learn from this experience, I feel the burden lifting a little bit. That parasite called blame that looks to attach itself to something external has been replaced self-reflection and humility. And this struggle is productive. It’s still hard but it’s leading me somewhere. Despair and dejection only drag you further down. So if anything, I’m grateful that I can put this difficult day towards a good cause.
Happy Sunday, everybody.