Happy Birthday Ella!
I know birthdays can be these depressing or disappointing events. But today, I am just so happy! Exhausted from party planning and staying up way too late last night wrapping presents and planning surprises but so happy! And, well, holding back tears because my angel baby is growing up but so, so happy.
Being a mom is really getting to have childhood again from a different perspective. All the things I didn’t know at the time or took for granted, I now get to experience again with appreciation. And with the best little partner I could have ever imagined.
I’m surrounded by pictures of Ella right now– I hang them everywhere when it’s her birthday. These pictures are moments in time, lived and captured by me or Matthew. Preserved forever, like memories in a bottle that I can visit whenever I want. So much life has been lived in such a short time. And seeing the looks on her eyes and the different stages of her curls and the seemingly endless range of smiles that adorn that perfect little face, I feel so grateful for the past five years I’ve gotten to spend with her.
How has it only been 5 years? Motherhood has been all consuming and still such a small part of my life. But it’s given me almost everything I hold dear, everything I am. I lament sometimes that I didn’t find all these creative passions before I had kids, back when I had time to pursue them more. But I didn’t find them back then because I didn’t have the inspiration. Ella planted that seed. Jack helped it grow. And because of them, I know myself better. Sometimes it feels like they get all of me but I really get some of myself too. In fact, I think two Ellen Elizabeths were born on October 11th.
Happy 5th Birthday to my motherhood and most importantly, to our darling Ella Belle.